The Awakening
by shaunalease1
Summary: B/J Season 4/5. Justin was gang raped outside of babylon and this story goes through the events of that and also afterwards when he is trying to deal with his feelings and how if ever, he can return back to normal. Warning: Rape scenes prevalent.
1. Wounds for the Wounded

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters nor do i presume to do so. They are owned by Showtime and by the writers and producers of Queer As Folk. I will have a beta for this story starting in probably the 6th or 7th chapters. I know the chapters are short. I did that so that way I can have more chapters so content wise it will be the same as if I had longer chapters.

Warning: This story contains some material that may be unsuitable for younger viewers. Contains knowledge of rape, intense sequences of both violence and sex.

Ch 1: Wounds for the Wounded

A week ago, in an alley outside of Babylon, I got a taste of how cruel the world really is. I never had any problems with the people at Babylon before. It was always fun whether I was with Brian or by myself. All of those hot bodies dancing up against each other to a rhythm. It was my favorite place to be besides in the arms of Brian, whom I loved with all of my heart and still do love. Emotions are hard for me to feel but the one that is the most prevalent is fear with anger coming in at a close second.

I hadn't been considered 'innocent' in a while, but if I still was, that night was when my innocence would have been taken away. I can still remember the touches of their hands. Not soft and sensual like being touched by Brian, but rough and callous. I blocked out the actual incident and the doctors said it may or may never come back. They said I had post traumatic stress disorder yet I didn't even remember the attack nor the identities of my attackers. Just the feel of their hands. The only proof I have that the attack occurred are my bruises, my black eye which is somewhat returning to its natural color, and then my torn asshole. That one was the worst. I'm glad I don't remember the actual pain because I'm sure I wouldn't be able to stand to relive that over and over again. The bruises will fade as will the black eye and my asshole will return to normal. But the scars on the inside, emotional scars, will never go away. I asked another victim of rape, Chester, whether or not the emotions ever lessen. He told me that they will with time but it is still very painful. His attack was three years ago.

He couldn't remember his attack nor his attackers just like me. At least I wasn't alone even though it felt like I was completely so. The physical therapist told me I should keep a journal, one which would help me explore my deepest emotions regarding the attack or just any of my day to day emotions so that I can track my recovery. Which is what I am writing to you right now. Whether or not anyone reads it besides myself, I want to share my story.

Let's go back to the night I was brought into the hospital. I would go back even further if I could remember. It is so frustrating that I can't remember. But I'm sure if I did I would wish I couldn't. Well, I know that Brian is the one who found me. He seems to always be the one to find me when I'm in trouble. I don't remember him being there at all but he told me he was. I was coming in and out of consciousness and I remember being poked and prodded by the doctors as if I was some kind of experiment. In a way, I was. To those guys, anyways. I drifted in and out of sleep while they were doing tests. I hate hospitals so I'm glad I drifted out of sleep. Before I closed my eyes, well technically my eye since the other one was so black it was closed on its own, I remember seeing Brian standing outside of the hospital room looking in at me. I'll never forget the pure, unadulterated fear in his eyes.


	2. Waking Up to the Awaken

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Ch 2: Waking Up to the Awaken

The next morning, I could tell it was morning because of the light that poured over my closed eyelids, I almost forgot where I was and my circumstances for being in that hospital bed. But when I opened up my one good eye it all came rushing back to me in waves. I knew what had happened. I had been raped. And I also still couldn't remember any more than that and for that I was glad. I looked around seeing if anything looked different from last night. My eyes scanned from the IV to the door to the windows and finally my eyes stopped scanning. There was Brian, sleeping in an armchair in the right corner of the room. He was so gorgeous when he slept. Something about seeing Brian there made me feel unsettled. I knew that he loved me, but that emotion wasn't registering with me at the moment. I felt dirty and I was disgusted at myself and ashamed to be the person that Brian had feelings for. If those guys that raped me thought I was trash, maybe I was. Then that would mean that Brian was too good for me. Even if that was true, I loved him with a passion. And I still do, mind you. He was my first everything and that just couldn't be forgotten no matter how much pain I was in at the moment. He was the one thing in my life that remained constant for the past 4 ½ years and I couldn't take him for granted. I didn't want him to abandon me even though I felt that that was something he should do because I was now damaged goods. How could Brian love someone like that? Someone he can't have sex with. Brian was all about having sex it was his favorite past time. I don't know if he could have a normal relationship without fucking. It totally wasn't Brian Kinney's style. How much time had passed since I had been watching him sleep, I didn't know. I didn't really care to know. I just didn't want him to wake up because I knew he would be expecting something from me. Something I couldn't give him and I didn't know if I could ever be able to give it to him, again.

I didn't get my wish, however, and Brian soon woke up out of his peaceful slumber. I don't know if I could really call it peaceful but the look on his face entailed it to be so. God I loved him. He stirred and looked around the room just as I had those few minutes before. His eyes landed on me and he realized I was awake. He got up out of his chair and walked over to the hospital bed. He spoke and his voice calmed my innermost fears for the time being. But I knew they would be back.

"Hey sleepyhead. I'm glad your up. How are you feeling?" Brian sat down on the bed where there was just enough room for him.

I flinched and moved over a little bit. I didn't reply because I didn't know how I was feeling at the time. I tried to smile but I failed miserably.

"Oh, sorry." Brian moved off of the bed and knelt down beside it to give me some space. "I've been here all night. To make sure you didn't have any nightmares."

If only that was the truth, I thought to myself as I was remembering a nightmare that I had about Brian leaving me for another man. I never wanted to think that. Never again.


	3. No Release for the Soon to Be Released

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Ch 3: No Release for the Soon to Be Released

It was day three of my hospital stay and Brian hadn't left my side the entire time. I was grateful he was there and grateful he saved my hide again. He saved me before when I was bashed, and the memories of that night came back to me. It was the best night of my life turned tragic. I thought I could never experience anything worse. I was wrong.

Again, Brian was sleeping in that fated arm chair, set to wake up any moment. The waking up scared me the most. Because then the memories would come rushing back to him and he would realize he no longer has a boyfriend but an empty shell. I hated to do that to him. I wanted him to be happy even if I couldn't be. Brian woke up, stretched, and the taut fabric of his shirt lifted up just enough for me to see a bit of the skin from his stomach. A feeling of longing ran through me but it slowly faded as I remembered that Brian probably would never want to touch me again. My thoughts were interrupted when Brian knelt by my hospital bed. I pretended to be asleep but that never fooled him. He was too smart and cunning.

"I know your awake, Justin. But I want you to feel comfortable so you can continue on the way you are. I just wanted to tell you some great news! You'll be getting out of here tomorrow!" Brian told me this with an excitement that I wish I could have experienced myself.

I would be getting out of this bed and be able to strech my limbs. I wondered if stretching my limbs would hurt. Brian interrupted this thought with another statement. This one, not so happy.

"The only thing is, the doctors want you to have a physical therapy session today. I know how much you hate those, but they want to make sure you can walk on your own." Brian lowered his voice when saying the last bit. He knew as well as I did that I hated being treated like I was an invalid or an infant. He figured that out from the last time I needed physical therapy. To this I opened my eyes. "I knew you were awake," Brian smiled.

"Unfortunately."

"Don't say that," Brian became angered and stood up with his arms folded across his chest. Never a good sign. "I'm glad you are here! I'd be a wreck if you didn't make it." Brian almost started crying but I could see how hard he was trying to hold back his tears. He knelt back down besides me and avoided meeting my eyes until he could stop the tears from flowing. He finally looked back up at me and I realized then just how much he loved me. I thought I knew it before but I was mistaken. He loved me so much more than I thought. That was going to make things even harder.

I was relieved when the nurse on duty came in to adjust my IV. I wouldn't have to face the emotions that hung in the air like moisture droplets in a cave. But soon I would, sooner than I would have liked. The doctor came in after the nurse had left to take me to my first of many physical therapy sessions and he had asked Brian to step outside. Brian declared he would be back and I was both glad yet afraid. I didn't know what he would expect from me when I would be released. Would I go back to his place? Would he wait on me hand and foot? Would he expect anything from me? Could I give him anything? All these questions and more invaded my mind. I knew one thing for sure. I wasn't ready for him to touch me yet. I needed to release my inner demons, and there were plenty, before I could let him back in, literally and figuratively.


	4. No Sleep for the SleepDeprived

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Ch 4: No Sleep for the Sleep-Deprived

The 4th day was my last and final day in the hospital. I was glad to finally be getting out of there but on the other hand I was afraid because that meant business as usual. I wasn't ready to just go out into the world like nothing had happened. Nothing would ever be the same for me again. I was so scared, not only of getting out of this hospital bed, but I wasn't sure what, if anything, Brian would be expecting from me. When I woke up that morning, Brian wasn't in his usual spot but I soon found him outside of the hospital room window talking to my doctor. He turned to look at me and smiled and I weakly smiled back. They finished their conversation and Brian came bounding back through the door with a smile on his face.

"Well, Justin, it's all set. You can come home now. You ready?" Brian approached the bed and knelt down beside it.

At first I just looked at him and then I looked back down at the bed. "Yeah, I guess. Where is home exactly? Where am I staying?" I folded my hands in my lap to await Brian's response.

"With me. If that's okay with you. If not we can set something else up," Brian said as he got back up on his feet and headed towards the door. "I'll go see if you can stay with Mikey or Deb."

"No. I want to go home with you. It's what I'm used to, after all. I haven't stayed at Deb's for years."

"Okay. Let me just finish the rest of your release papers."

"Can you take care of those for me? I didn't think you could because we're not - you know -" I stopped midsentence feeling awkward.

"Because we're not married?" Brian looked at me without passing any judgment on my lapse of finishing the sentence I started.

"Yeah."

"They said it's fine as long as you sign off on the bottom of the page. I'll bring them in in a few. In the meantime I brought you some clothes from the loft so you don't have to wear the clothes you came in with. And you can rest for a few more minutes before we go."

"Thanks Brian, that was really considerate of you."

"I never thought I would hear my name and considerate in the same sentence," Brian laughed. I loved the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed. It made me want to touch him. But then I remembered that I couldn't do that. Not yet. I just smiled back as he left the room to go get the papers. I couldn't sleep. I had enough sleep these past few days to stay awake for a week. That is just what happened because once I got back to the loft no matter where I slept or what I tried to do, I couldn't fall asleep for that week that I was home spare a few short minutes here and there. This was going to be the longest week of my life.


	5. Mr Lonely Without the Loneliness

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Ch 5: Mr. Lonely Without the Loneliness

On the car ride home, it was basically sheer and utter silence. I sat in the front passenger seat yet I felt further away from Brian than ever. He didn't say much either, I guess he felt that it wasn't the best time to try to make conversation when neither of us were in the mood. I was happy to be going home, any place was better than in that darn hospital bed. Well, not any place, considering where I ended up almost a week ago. The thought of the dark alley behind Babylon made me shudder. Finally we were home and the walk up to the loft was almost as silent as the car ride. Brian interjected into my thoughts when we walked into the loft.

"Well, we're home."

"Yeah, I guess we are," I replied while looking around. It seemed like I hadn't been in that loft for longer than just a week. It felt like months.

"Do you want me to fix you something?" Brian put down his overnight bag on the counter.

"No, I'm not hungry," I sat down on the couch and pulled a blanket over me.

"You should eat something. You haven't eaten since this morning."

"You can cut the concerned act. I'll eat when I'm ready to fucking eat!" The look on Brian's face turned grim and I realized I had hurt his feelings. I felt bad so I tried to fix things. It seemed like everything was broken now. "I'm sorry, Brian. I didn't mean it."

"It's okay. I know you didn't. I'm going to go take a shower. Can I get you anything?

"No thanks. I could probably use a shower, too."

"Want to go in first? Or we can go in together if you need some company."

"I don't think so. But thanks. I'll just chill here and get in once you get out," I buried my head under the blanket but then felt too confined so I reemerged from underneath the covers and pushed them aside so that they fell onto the floor. I closed my eyes to sleep when all of a sudden I started remembering my attack. It kept coming back to me in flashes. I remembered the touch of their calloused hands again and this time I remember that there were four of them. Those bastards. They pinned me against the wall and they started kissing me even though I tried to fight them off. But they were too strong. The flashbacks ended there and I opened my eyes expecting to see my attackers looking down at me. I didn't even notice it right away but I had begun to shake and tears were falling down my face like rain. I didn't hear Brian come in until his voice penetrated throughout the loft.

"Justin! Justin! Are you okay? What's going on?" Brian ran over to me to console me but he didn't know whether to touch me or just soothe me with his words. He told me that everything was going to be okay and I desperately wanted to believe him. He eventually just decided to embrace me and I tried to fight him off but I decided I needed someone to be there for me so I let him hug me. He rocked me until I calmed down enough to break away from his embrace. Once I had calmed down I admitted to him that some of my memories had come back. He asked me what I remembered and I told him. The mood in the loft became dark and convoluted.

"Your memories are going to come back, Justin. It's just a matter of time."

As if that would reassure me, I thought. I nestled up into Brian's open arms and I asked him to lay with me. He did and I fell asleep as if I didn't have a care in the world. That would change though as I knew eventually all of it would be back. I almost felt safe, almost.


	6. The Intensity of the Storm Intensified

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Author's Note: This is the first chapter that has been read by a beta reader. Thanks to my lovely beta reader Sam. Hope everyone is liking the story. This subject matter is really hard to read for me let alone write so I appreciate all of your reviews and comments. Thanks guys =]

Ch 6: The Intensity of the Storm Intensified

Brian wanted me to come sleep in his bed with him that night but I knew it was something I couldn't get myself to do. I could barely let him hold me let alone think about us sleeping in the same bed together. I hoped it wouldn't always be that way. I didn't want to feel alone forever. It still felt like I was different person and that I would never figure out a way to get back to my true self. Was it gone? Was I a different person than I was before the attack? These thoughts and more plagued me and prevented me from getting one wink of sleep. I knew it was morning when I heard Brian rummaging through his suits in the closet. He had to go to work. When I was in the hospital he got time off, but now that I'm home he had to wake up and smell the roses, as did I.

Brian walked into the living room and saw that I was awake. He came over to me and sat on the edge of the couch. "Are you okay with me going to work today? I could call in sick if you need me."

"I'm not some invalid that needs to be watched at all hours of the day. I think I can manage for a few hours here by myself," I replied, angry that he thought I needed to be babied.

"I know you're not. I just wanted to make sure. I won't be gone very long," Brian replied as he casually got up from the couch and straightened his suit. He walked over to the counter and grabbed his portfolio of ad campaigns. He proceeded to walk back over to me and kiss me on my forehead and I saw him wave goodbye as the door to the loft closed behind him.

Now that I was alone I felt that maybe I could sleep better. I was so exhausted having not slept at all the night before. I tried to close my eyes when I remembered the same scene from my attack that got me worked up the other night. I tried to block them out but they persisted. I realized that sleep was not imminent and I didn't know when it would become so. I just wanted the nightmares to stop. I got up to go into my studio that Brian had set up for me. I wanted to try to paint to take my mind off of everything. I painted a memory of mine, Brian's 30th birthday party. I wanted to paint it because I thought it was funny how he didn't want to turn 30. As if it was some sort of curse, or something.

After I finished, I was really tired so I once again tried to get some shuteye. I put my mind on the fact that Brian would be coming home anytime to attempt to set myself at ease. Images of that fateful night at Babylon erupted into my head. I remembered the dancing and how much fun I was having. I was supposed to meet up with Brian but he hadn't shown up yet. I found another trick to dance with to keep me company. He was really dreamy which is probably why I was so attracted to him at first glance. He suggested that we go outside to talk. I didn't think any harm would come of it, so I complied and followed him out the door. We went over to the alley next to the club where I had hung out with the gang so many times before. All of a sudden out of the darkness came three more guys. I didn't know who they were but I thought they were going to walk around us and head inside the club. Instead to my surprise they pinned me to the wall and I didn't have any time to react. I opened my eyes and curled into a ball and started crying wishing the memories would stop. This was more than I had remembered the other night and I wished I could just forget all of it.

All of a sudden Brian walked into the loft unaware of the distress going on inside. He would soon become privy to that information, however. "Hey Justin. I'm back," Brian said with his back to me as he hung up his jacket. With his back turned he could hear my whimpers from the couch and he quickly turned around and noticed my position on the couch. He ran over to me and put his arms around me. I was so glad he was home. He was my comforter and my safety blanket. I didn't know what I would do without him and I never wanted to find out. He just rocked me silently until I quieted down and he pulled away from me to look into my eyes. I burrowed my head into his neck and let out my last set of tears. After a few minutes he pulled away. "You remembered more of that night, didn't you?" Brian had the most worried and concerned look on his face I had ever seen him display.

"Yeah. It keeps coming back and I can't get rid of it! I would give anything for this to just go away." I almost broke out into tears again but I needed to try to be strong. To be strong when my whole world, it seemed had fallen apart overnight, was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

"I don't think I should leave you alone anymore when I go to work. Do you want me to have someone come stay with you to keep you company? I know you said you didn't want to be babied and that's not what I'm trying to do. I just want you to feel safe and be around people that love you as much as I do."

"Do you think Lindsay could stop by? Maybe not every day but definitely tomorrow. She should bring Gus; I would love to see him. I'm sure that would help me relax," I replied. I could feel the color returning back into my cheeks as I remembered Gus's cute face. He looked so much like Brian nowadays it was beginning to become uncanny. He would look just like his dad when he grew up. I nestled back into Brian's arms.

"Okay, sure. I'll call them a little bit later. But you should get some sleep you look exhausted." He was right, I was exhausted. I cuddled against Brian feeling his warmth and I fell asleep with no problems. Maybe I did need to sleep back in his bed after all.


	7. A Light Forming In the Middle of a Seemi

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Ch 7: A Light Forming In the Middle of a Seemingly Lightless Tunnel

The next day, like Brian had said, Lindsay was bringing Gus over. I was excited and it was the first time since the attack that I woke up and thought of something other than the pain. I decided to sleep in Brian's bed again but I let him know I wasn't ready to be held the whole night; just as I fell asleep. He complied and I felt really glad that I had a boyfriend as supportive as Brian. I never thought I would use supportive and boyfriend in the same sentence to describe Brian Kinney but there it was. When we first met and he took my virginity I always knew we would end up together somehow. I was right. I fully appreciated everything he had been doing for me since I had been back. He had been a complete gentleman. He brought me breakfast every morning on a tray. I found it funny considering I taught him everything he knew about cooking and he taught me everything I knew about sex. Brian had gotten up a few hours earlier to attend a business meeting at Kinnetik. He left me a note and in it he said how peaceful I looked and he couldn't bear to wake me. He signed his name and underneath was a small P.S. that I almost missed that said 'I love you. Always and forever.' Who would have thought Brian would turn out to be a romantic? Not me, that's for sure.

I finally got out of bed to get ready and before I knew it Lindsay and Gus were at the door. Gus was already interested in comic books at the age of 5. Michael taught him all about Rage and how Rage was modeled after his daddy. He got a kick out of it and he always asked me to draw a page of it while he was watching. He said something that almost broke my heart but instead ended up warming it. He told me that he wanted me to draw a happy picture of Rage and JT. He knew that I represented JT in the comic and he told me he noticed I always looked sad lately. I swept Gus into my arms and I hugged him.

"Justin! Let go!," Gus said in between fervent giggles.

"Never!" I laughed and I began to tickle him.

"What's going on in here?" Lindsay came into the room with cake batter on her face and she put her hands on her hips. She was making a cake for a house party she was throwing later that evening but she told us we could lick the frosting off of the bottom of the bowl. At this announcement, Gus squirmed out of my reach and ran for the kitchen. The drawing he had suggested I make actually sounded like a good idea so I did exactly that. Gus was right, the picture made me feel better.

Before I knew it, Brian had come home. I walked into the center of the loft and watched as Gus ran up and jumped into his father's arms. That made me feel warm inside and I noted that there was nothing as pure as the love one had between a parent and their child. If only my own father had showed that he cared about me. He didn't give a damn and it made me feel down again considering how worthless I felt, and sometimes still do feel, since the rape. I looked up into Brian's eyes and he reciprocated my glance and smiled. The smile melted my heart like butter and I too ran up to him and kissed him with a passion I thought I had lost. I loved him so much that words could not express.


	8. Therapy Can Be Therapeutic

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Ch 8: Therapy Can Be Therapeutic

A month had passed since my attack. Things were looking up at home. I could finally show affection with Brian, not as much as I was sure he would have liked, but it was a start. I could kiss him and let him hold me now without flinching. I didn't always like to get physical with him, though, because he treated me as if I was an egg and that if he made a wrong move I would break. I hated that things were so fragile between us. It was almost as if he was afraid to touch me but I knew he yearned to do so. The longing took over the fear, for a little while at least. I wanted things to get back to normal. I had been having nightmares but they weren't every evening like they were when I first got back. Things must have been improving. Brian said I should go to a therapy session. I had been blowing off all of the ones the hospital referred me to go to. I didn't want to sit in a circle and hear everyone's sad rape stories. I had my own sad rape story I was trying to work through. The memories from that night still hadn't fully returned, and I was biding my time because I knew they would resurface again soon.

I was lying on the bed with Brian. He was sound asleep, as usual at this time of the day. It seemed as if I kept getting up earlier and earlier. I never used to be a morning person, I was always a boy of the nightlife. That changed rather quickly. I heard Brian stir and felt the covers move. He was awake. I turned so that I was on top of him and I kissed him.

"Mm. Good morning," Brian said with his eyes half closed.

"Hey."

"What time is it?"

"A little after 5."

"Christ. Go back to sleep, Justin," Brian rolled back over and pulled the covers off from me.

"Hey, it's cold in here!" I yelled at him and we began tickling each other.

"All right, all right. Stop! I'm awake, I'm awake. I need a shower," Brian said as he got up from the bed.

He still slept in the nude and I could see he was hard. I felt bad for a second that I couldn't indulge him. But that was something I definitely wasn't ready for yet. I was sure he would take care of it in the shower, though. Still, I felt indebted to him. I wanted to show him how much I appreciated everything he did for me. I decided to follow him into the shower. We could shower together, right? I thought that would be okay. He turned around, surprised I was joining him.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I need a shower, too and it only makes sense to conserve water," I replied as I took off my boxer briefs. The only thing I forgot about was that Brian still had a hard on. He was going to take care of it when he was in the shower. Now that we were in there together, what was he going to do? Was he going to expect anything from me?

"Want me to wash your back?"

"Sure," I smiled at him to reassure him that he could wash my back without me flinching. He soaped my back and then rinsed it and it kind of turned me on, but I wasn't ready. I knew that for a fact so I just ignored my growing erection. He ignored his, too. He was being really selfless, another word I never thought I would attribute to Brian. When he was done he asked me to wash his back in return.

"Darn those hard to reach spots," Brian said out loud as he turned is back towards me. He smiled as I began to run the soap bar on his back. He leaned back and kissed me. "Is that too much?"

"No, you're fine. Don't worry," I replied. We smiled at each other and I kissed him back.

"So, the hospital called again regarding a therapy session. I think you should go."

"Really? You do? Do you think it'll help?" I stopped rinsing him off for a second to engage in the conversation.

"I think anything is worth a shot. Don't you?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Would you want me to go with you? I wouldn't mind. Really," Brian replied sincerely.

"I think that if I go, I want to go alone - if that's okay," I added in that last bit with a bit of uncertainty.

"Of course it is. I think it will help you sort out your emotions and your memories. Besides, I've heard therapy can be very therapeutic," Brian and I laughed and then I kissed his shoulder. "Among other things."

"Oh, Brian," I laughed uncontrollably that time and I shook my head. He was so adorable.


	9. Problems Are So Problematic

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Ch 9: Problems Are So Problematic

That next day after discussing the therapy session with Brian, I woke up knowing that day would be the day I opened up to a bunch of strangers. Brian offered to attend the session with me, but I felt that in order for us to heal as a couple, I need to heal first and foremost. I took a shower, Brian having already left the door open for me. He had to go to another meeting that he said would last all day. After the shower I made myself some breakfast regardless of the fact that I was not hungry one bit.

I walked into the empty therapy session room at the hospital. At least I thought it was empty, until I saw a guy that looked a little older than me standing in the corner of the room near a stack of chairs. He began to take them down one by one and put them in a circle. He didn't notice I was in the room until he put down the last chair.

"Oh, hey. I didn't know anyone else was here, yet. You here for the rape victim therapy session, too?" The guy asked me as he sat down in one of the chairs.

"Uh, yeah. I am," I said as I walked over to shake his hand. "Justin."

"Chester. Nice to meet you."

"Likewise." I looked around the room and there were posters lining the walls about victimization and how it is never our fault. It seemed cliché to me but I went along with it. "Where is everyone else?"

"They'll be here in about 15 minutes. You're pretty early."

"I like being the first one rather than the last one," I told him.

"I see. Me, too. Are we just going to ignore the elephant in the room?"

"How long has it been for you, since, you know…" I asked Chester. I would rather be the one asking than answering.

"Three years."

"Holy shit. And you're still here?" I asked and then blushed, feeling like an idiot.

"The healing process is never ending. The pain never goes away but it does get easier to deal with, eventually. How about you? How long has it been?" Chester waited attentively for my response. I didn't know what to say. I didn't really feel like discussing anything especially since the therapist wasn't even there, yet.

"I don't really feel like discussing my problems," I finally said at last.

"That's the thing you need to realize. Your problems are my problems," Chester said without holding anything back. He folded his hands in his lap.

"Problems are so problematic," I laughed. I just wanted to get the session over with. Finally I saw a doctor in a lab coat step into the room and introduce himself. There would be three other people joining us but they would be a half an hour late. He told us to just get started without them. It was going to be a long day.


	10. Nothing Like Wasting Time While Wasting

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Ch 10: Nothing Like Wasting Time While Wasting Away

I was right, the therapy session was even longer and more grueling than I thought it was going to be. Right off the bat the therapist had everyone introduce themselves. There were guys of all shapes and sizes and I wondered how someone would want to rape some of them. After thinking that thought, I cringed in shame that that had even entered into my head. I knew how much pain I was going through, beyond the physical suffering. Yet I still had the gall to judge someone else when I knew for damn sure what he was feeling wasn't any different from what I was feeling. I took it back after I thought it. I wasn't an emotionless prick and I didn't know why I suddenly had become one. When it came time for me to introduce myself, I just wanted to get it over with.

I stood up and began to speak. "Hi. I'm Justin Taylor and I'm a victim of rape. It's only been a month but it feels like a lifetime. I was gang raped outside of my regular club, Babylon." I sat back down, feeling awkward with everyone staring at me.

"Thank you, Justin. But why don't you tell us a little about yourself?" The therapist suggested with a wave of his hand.

I stood up again with no clue what to say but words somehow came out. "Honestly, I didn't really even want to come here," as I said that, Chester looked up at me. I couldn't quite make out the look on his face but I knew it was some sort of an unpleasant glance. "I don't want to try to sort out through other people's problems when I clearly can't get past my own. I have not a fucking clue in the world how to begin to deal with it, let alone live with the realization of it every day when I wake up in the morning," I continued.

"It is apparent that you carry a lot of anger and hostility towards your situation. It is totally normal to feel that way. Anger is a common emotion and it resonates with all rape victims. The only way to deal with it is by talking about it. It seems painful at first, but once you get used to it, you will be able to start to heal. We are your support group. None of us traditionally want to hear about other people's problems but think of us as a family. We need to support each other so that not only you learn how to deal as an individual but also so that you can devote yourself to helping others heal, as well. Helping someone else greatly affects your ability to help yourself."

I sat back down feeling very emotional. I didn't notice it right away but I had started to cry. "I feel as if I'm wasting away. To think I can remember my attack in a moment's notice. Scratch that, with no notice at all. I live in fear all day long knowing it can be revealed in at any moment," I said as I couldn't control my tears at all and they were streaming down my face.

"And trying to deal with all of this on your own is just wasting valuable time while wasting away. There is only wasted time when trying to rebuild and heal in doing it all by yourself. Well I think that concludes our session for today. Thank you all for participating. See you next week," he said as everyone got up to leave. I stayed in the room as everyone else left to finish crying before facing the world, and Brian, as if nothing had happened.


	11. Walkin' Out of That WalkIn Closet

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Ch 11: Walkin' Out of That Walk-In Closet

After my first therapy session I went straight to the diner to get something to eat. Who knew talking about your problems could make someone a ravenous wolf? I didn't think I would run into anyone and I would have preferred it. Unfortunately, fate sometimes has other plans for you. I was more than shocked to see my own father at my place of business. He hated being anywhere within a mile radius of fags let alone than be in the same room with them. He must have heard about my attack, I thought to myself as I started to head back the way I had entered into the diner. I heard a voice behind me call my name. Too late, I thought. I turned back around to face my father who had practically disowned me because I wouldn't be who he wanted me to be.

"What are you doing here?" I folded my arms.

"I heard about what happened. I just wanted to make sure you were…"

"Why the fuck do you care?" I lashed out immediately. How dare he basically condemn me to hell then magically grow the balls to come see if I was okay. I said that out loud without realizing it. I guessed that after that session my mouth was no longer connected to my brain.

"Of course I care," he said as he sat down at the counter. I followed his lead and sat a stool away from him.

"Oh, really? Could have fooled me. When was the last time I've seen you, again? Hmm. Oh that's right, outside of your store and you basically told me to fuck off. You didn't need to say the words, I knew that was what you meant," I replied extremely on the defensive.

"I know I haven't been the best father, but that doesn't mean I don't care whether you live or die." I had to give him credit, he was doing a bang up job of trying to win me over, but I couldn't let myself believe him. I couldn't stand getting my heart broken again period let alone by my own father. "I just hope that this has brought you to your senses and that you'll…"

I cut him off before he could finish. Ah, here we go again, he was showing his true colors through and through. I knew it was too good to be true. I was glad I didn't take this newfound bullshit concern to heart. "Hah, figures you'd try the 'get straight' card with me. I'll never be straight, dad." I knew the real issue was Brian so I added, "I'm still with Brian and I'll always be with Brian." I stood up for Brian because he was the one person who never let me down and has been there for me this whole time when my own father had been gallivanting off with his new wife and new family pretending I never existed. This I told my father, and more. "Brian has given me more than you ever could. Love and not to mention, support. He'll never let me down because I'll never let him down. If you can't support that then you can save your sympathy and the 'I just wanted to make sure my son was okay' schpeal because I'm not buying into any of it, especially the part about being your son. I'm not your son and I'll never be your son again. You can just forget it!" I wouldn't even let him reply and I stormed out of the diner without a second glance back at the person I had just left behind, completely. I left to go home to the one place I knew I wouldn't have to walk into a walk-in closet just to satisfy someone else. I would never hide who I am and I would suggest to anyone else, never to do the same.


	12. The Road to Recovery Is a Long, Hard Roa

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Ch 12: The Road to Recovery Is a Long, Hard Road

I pulled up to the street beside the loft and slammed the shift into park. I couldn't believe that my father had the gall to turn my tragedy into an event to try to set me straight. Unbe-frickin-lievable. I stormed up to the loft and as soon as I entered I slammed the door behind me. Apparently it wasn't too loud because Brian didn't seem to notice anything was the matter. He was sitting at his desk most likely typing up an ad campaign for the newest issue of Rage. The comic book was still being produced using extra drawings I had stored up just in case I wouldn't be able to complete new drawings for a few months. Brian took over the editing of the pictures while I was dealing with my newfound reality. It took him a few seconds to register I was in the room.

"Oh. Hey, Justin. How was your first session? Everything go okay?" He looked up at me in earnest. I could tell he was hoping for some miracle breakthrough on my part.

"It was fine," I replied unenthusiastically. I marched into the bedroom and plopped down on the bed.

"Okay…well did it help? Was everyone nice?" Brian turned around to face my new location.

"Huh? Yeah. Sure," I said as I rolled over onto my side. I was just wishing the world would stop spinning for just one damn second.

Brian, apparently coming to the realization that something wasn't right, got up from his chair and walked over to where I was laying. "Okay. What happened?" He sat on the edge of the bed.

"I fucking ran into my father, that's what happened. Fucking prick."

"What was he doing there?"

"Not at the session, outside of the diner."

"Ah, Justin, I'm sorry. What did he say to you?"

"The usual. He heard about the attack and he just came to check on me, my ass," I threw up my hands and threw the covers off from me.

"He tried to set you straight again?"

I simply nodded in response. Brian knew me so well and he knew my father.

"He didn't care about me at all. He just wanted to give it another shot to try to tell me my lifestyle is a big mistake and it would be better off if I was straight."

"Well that's a crock of shit. Any straight person can get raped, too. Just forget about it. He's not worth getting angry over," Brian said as he proceeded to lie down next to me. He wrapped his arms around me and I didn't flinch. Instead, I welcomed it and I nuzzled my back into his chest.

"The road to recovery is long and hard, Justin. But you can't give up and you can't let selfish pricks get to you. You have so much to live for. Your art…for us…I love you so much and I will never hurt you like he has. I promise."

I knew he was right and I felt blessed to have him in my life. Turns out I had been feeling that a lot lately about him. I knew one day he would love me from that very first moment I laid eyes on him. He was my knight in shining armor and I was his prince.


	13. The Ideal of Ideality

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters nor do I presume to do so. I know this chapter is a little bit shorter than usual, but I didn't want to start a new situation because I knew it would end up being too long. I will make up for it in chapter 14. Keep reviewing and enjoy! Thanks, guys! 3

Ch 13: The Ideal of Ideality

It was approximately 2 ½ months and 32 hours since the rape. I had been going to the therapy sessions on a weekly basis and I was becoming quite close with Chester. He really helped me sort out my feelings and I actually had started to let go some of my anger for my attackers. I still didn't remember who they were and I was beginning to think it didn't matter. The worst had been done to me and knowing who subjected me to it wouldn't really solve anything. Either way I had to try to move on. I thought that putting a face and a name to the crime would make it even harder for me to move on. I wished I could choose what I could remember and what would remain hidden, but unfortunately I didn't have that ability.

I had just woken up to a nightmare less sleep. They were becoming fewer and far between. I was glad about that and I knew Brian was glad, too. I looked over at him sleeping next to me. He had been out for only three hours so I knew he wouldn't wake up right away. Me, on the other hand, I was restless and I needed to write in my recovery journal. I hadn't let Brian read it yet but I told him eventually he could read it. I knew he didn't take it personally that I didn't let him read it, then.

When I had woken up, Brian was pressed against my back and he had his arms around me. He still wasn't sleeping in the nude, again. He didn't want to make me uncomfortable and frankly, I wasn't sure what it would make me feel or want to do. He was being so ideal in this situation. I honestly didn't know how he was feeling about this whole situation. I think it has hit him as hard as it has hit me, not including the physical toll.

As I was watching him sleep, I moved closer to him and cuddled against him. Brian, still sleeping, put his arms around me and we both fell asleep together in each other's arms. Neither of us wanting to admit that the pain we had been feeling, would still linger on to be there when we woke up later that day. Before finally drifting back off to sleep, I pictured myself kissing Brian. Not stopping at kissing, I pictured us making love again like we used to. I hoped to God that one day we could get that back again. I really missed the physical connection that Brian and I had shared together for just over 4 years. I longed to feel him inside me, again. It was then, and only then, that I would feel complete again. That would seal my recovery more than anything else could and I wanted desperately to skip through all of the heartache to get to that point in time. I couldn't wait. The ideality of the situation was definitely not as ideal as I would have liked.


	14. Begininng of Affection Begins Again

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Ch 14: Beginning of Affection Begins Again

I closed my journal and set it down on the nightstand. I looked over at Brian to find him looking up at me, smiling.

"How long have you been up?"

"Just a few minutes. I was watching you," Brian told me as he looked me up and down.

I laughed. "I noticed." I scooted closer to him and leaned in to kiss him. He kissed me back at first, tenderly. I never wanted to stop. He put his arms around my neck and pulled me even closer. I didn't have to get that close to him to realize he had a hard on. I wondered how far this would take us. We began to move our hands down each others bodies without realizing it. He settled over my pants to my growing erection. I didn't stop him and I didn't have to because he pulled his hand away from my pants and he stopped kissing me.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that," Brian looked up at me apologetically.

"Don't worry about it. It's fine," I smiled weakly at him. He could tell it wasn't fine because he ceasingly apologized. "It's been a while."

"I know. I miss touching you." We just laid there holding each other for a few moments when he started to move away from me.

"No, don't," I said as I reached out my hand and touched his shoulder. "I don't want you to leave me." Brian settled back down onto the bed and didn't move.

"Okay."

"And I want you close. Please," I pleaded with him. He scooted closer to me like we were before when we were kissing. I jumped on top of him and started stroking his hair and his face. We looked into each others eyes and for a moment all the pain dissipated and it was just the two of us. Like it used to be. It had been a triangle for two months: Brian, me and my pain. Only, it wasn't just my pain, it was our pain. I kept forgetting that but when I remembered, my appreciation and love for him grew, if that was even possible. I leaned in to kiss him and he obliged by running his hands through my hair. He knew how much I loved that. I put my tongue in his mouth which I haven't done in forever and it felt so good to taste him. We were making out and I never wanted it to end. He rolled back on top of me and just looked down at me.

"We don't have to do anything. I'm fine with this," he told me. I thought how I was fine with it, too.

"But I want more." I'm a guy and I didn't stop to think about what I was saying. I didn't even know if I could let myself go with him. I wanted desperately to try.


	15. I Want to Want You

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Ch 16: I Want to Want You

I leaned in to him to fill the space between our separated bodies. He was still on top of me running his hands through my hair. He was looking deeply into my eyes like he was trying to see into my soul. He was trying to see what I really, truly wanted. I wanted him inside me but I wasn't ready for him to be there. I could still feel what they had done to me and I definitely wasn't ready.

"Brian. I want to make love to you," I said sincerely. I wondered if I sounded confident or shaky but I was so lost in the moment I didn't notice.

"Are you sure?" He cocked his head to the side trying to read me with little or no success.

"I'm sure. But I want to be the one. I'm not ready for you to enter me, yet," I replied with a bit of uncertainty. I knew how much Brian disliked being the bottom. But I figured it was the only way we could do it at the time. I thought he might say no but he surprised me by doing just the opposite.

"Okay." He smiled at me. He didn't seem to divulge any sense of distaste with the idea. He actually seemed open to it. That surprised me greatly. He let me roll him over so that I was on top of him, again. He grabbed the lube and a condom from the drawer to the nightstand. He handed them to me. I leaned in and kissed him again. He tried to turn over onto his back but I held him down with my left arm.

"Don't. I want us to look at each other when I'm inside of you."

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"I'm sure." I uncapped the lube and opened the condom with my teeth. My hands were shaking as I was trying to put the condom on. Brian grabbed my hand and took the condom from me. He put it on me and he slicked the lube on my dick and on my fingers. I kissed him again, this time I grabbed his hair and pulled his neck to me. I gave him small love bites on his neck and on his collarbone down onto his chest. I probed a finger at his entrance and I slowly pushed in. I saw Brian writhe at the small discomfort but he bucked up against my finger showing he wanted more. I put in my index finger and then once I stroked his prostate I put in a second one. He was open and ready for me so I replaced my fingers with my cock just touching the opening. He was looking into my eyes and I could see how much he wanted to be with me and I could see the love he had for me radiating from his eyes and his smile. I slowly pushed the head in and surprisingly, I was okay. It didn't bother me at all. I gently pushed in a little further and Brian tried to push into me so that more of my cock would enter him. I knew how slow I had to go that way I wouldn't hurt him, after all he was used to being a top. But at that moment he seemed not to care about the pain. He just wanted me inside him. I obliged him and I started timing my thrusts. He moaned and writhed under me and I kissed him again. His legs were up over my shoulders but he wasn't as flexible as I was so I had to make sure not to stretch him too far.

"Justin. I love you. Faster, please. Harder." I started stroking his hard and leaking cock to the timing of my thrusts. We were both near finishing but the thought of it scared me to death. Oh crap, I thought. Could I really finish this? I looked at Brian's face and saw how much pleasure he was having. I didn't want to rob him of that. But something inside me snapped and I began to cry.

"Brian. I…I can't," I said while weeping. I stopped thrusting.

"Justin. What's wrong? Why'd you stop?"

"I can't do this. I'm so sorry, Brian. I…I just can't." I pulled out of him gently, reminding myself that it would be painful for both of us if I pulled out too quickly. I felt ashamed. I had never stopped during the middle of sex. I'm sure no one has stopped having sex with Brian before, either. I fell next to him and continued to sob. He rolled over and brought me close to him.

"Shhh. It's okay, Justin. Don't worry about it. You're fine. Okay? Everything's going to be just fine," he said as he stroked my hair and kissed my cheeks. He just let me lie there, holding me until I stopped crying. I wiped the tears from my eyes.

"Brian. I'm so sorry. I can't believe I did that to you. I can't believe it. What's wrong with me?" I almost started crying again but told myself I wouldn't let him down ever again.

"I understand. It's okay. You've been through a traumatic experience. It was just too soon. I should have known it was too soon."

"Do you still love me?"

"Justin! Of course, I still love you. It's not a big deal. It's just sex. You mean so much more to me than that, don't you know that?" Brian started crying, too. "I thought you weren't going to make it. That you were going to die. I would have given up anything to just spend the rest of my life with you and for it not to end that day. I'm so glad you made it."

I didn't know what to say I just let him continue to rock me until we both fell asleep in each other's arms.


	16. Words of Wisdom for the Unwise

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters nor do I presume to do so. This chapter is from Brian's POV. I got the idea from a reviewer of this story. I do not know how many chapters there will be like this or if this is the standalone or first of many. I hope you enjoy it.

Ch 16: Words of Wisdom for the Unwise

I didn't know what time of the morning it was and I didn't care. I wondered if the journal Justin was keeping was helping him sort out his emotions. For the first time, I felt as if I had to figure out all of the emotions running through my head, too. I grabbed a new journal from the drawer in the nightstand and thought to myself how I should make a recovery journal, too. I realized earlier, after Justin was raped, that I was raped, too. Not physically, like he had been, but I felt I was robbed of my partner and precious time we could have had. Our love, still strong, had been tested beyond belief. Justin was the only person I had ever fallen in love with, let alone had a relationship with. I felt our life together has suffered all because of those selfish pricks who took it amongst themselves to rape the one person, besides my son and Michael, that meant the most to me in my entire life. I was angry at them for robbing us of quality time we could have been spending with each other and exploring our relationship. Instead, I had to watch my lover in pain 24/7. I didn't want that to sound selfish, but sometimes I felt that I was robbed, too. I didn't care about the sex, for once. If I never had sex again I wouldn't care, well maybe that was a lie. I just wanted him to feel safe again and never have to worry that someone will rob him of more precious time that he'd never get back. As I was writing in the journal, I felt Justin stir next to me. I put the journal away and glanced over my shoulder to see if he was awake. Turns out he just rolled over on his stomach. I let out a sigh of relief. It wouldn't have been bad to have gotten caught writing in the journal, but I didn't want Justin to feel bad again for last night when he had no reason to. I kissed his shoulder blades and drifted back to sleep.

Light was shining in through the windows the next time I woke up. Justin wasn't in bed beside me and I looked around to see that he was sitting on the couch watching TV. I got out of bed, went into the shower and washed off all of the unseen emotions from the night before. I wanted to be refreshed and I wanted to reassure Justin that everything was okay between us. When I got out of the shower, I walked into the living area and I walked up behind him and kissed his head.

"Morning," I said to him as I walked over to the fridge.

"Morning," he replied, glancing up at me.

"Want something to eat?"

"No, I already ate. I made some eggs, there's more in the pan if you want some."

"Thanks." I grabbed a plate of eggs and stuck them in the microwave. "What do you have planned for today?"

"I'm going to go talk to Chester about some things."

"About last night? It's okay if you tell him, I won't mind."

"Yeah I just need to get it off my chest and talk to someone who has been through it. You know."

"Yeah. Hey, listen. I want to tell you something," I told him as I moved over to the couch and sat down beside him. "I'm okay with last night. I love you and I never want you to feel like you need to push yourself because of me. Sex isn't important to me right now. But your well-being always has been and always will be the most important thing to me, so don't feel bad. I want you to do things in your own time, not mine. I don't resent you and I'll be able to forget about this and you should, too."

"I think that's the most you've ever said to me in one go." Justin laughed and shoved the blanket he was wearing off from him.

"Haven't you figured out how wise I am, already? Those words of wisdom don't come around that often," I reciprocated his laugh. I loved his laugh.

"And for once, I'm the one that's unwise," Justin replied and looked down at the floor.

"That is not true. You're very smart and intuitive. Things will get better, I promise," I got up from the couch and kissed him on the cheek. Justin got up and went into his studio where he stayed for hours creating a new masterpiece that I wouldn't get to see until later. He eventually left, probably to go talk to Chester, and he kissed me goodbye.


	17. You Win Some You Lose Some

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Ch 17: You Win Some You Lose Some

I just had to get out of there. I was glad I was meeting Chester because he could relate to what I was going through. It wasn't that I couldn't talk to Brian, it's just I didn't want to try to explain my feelings when I fully didn't understand them, myself. I walked in to the group therapy session lounge even though there was no therapy session that day. I noticed that Chester was already there and he was reading a book. He didn't even notice me as I entered.

"Hey, Chester," I said as I walked up to where he was sitting and pulled up a chair. I sat down and he looked up and smiled at me.

"Hey, Justin. Is everything okay? You don't usually ask to talk to me unless it's at group."

"I know. I just don't know where else to turn." I put my head in my hands.

"It's all right. Just tell me what happened."

"My partner and I, I thought I was ready to have sex with him again. We tried and right at the end I chickened out."

"You didn't chicken out. It happens. It happened to me more times that I can count."

"Really? It happened to you?"

"Yeah. It happened because like you, I thought I was ready, but turns out I really wasn't."

"What did you do? Did everything work out? How long did it take until you could…"

"I reacted the same way you're reacting now. My partner was really supportive so I was lucky. From what you've told me about Brian, he seems like he is supportive as well. It took me a year until I could fully go through with having sex with my partner. But we tried many times before that."

"And he stood by you through all of it? How are you two doing now?"

"Well we actually aren't together anymore. Not because of the strains on our relationship, he moved out of country to take a different job. The job was much better than what he had here and he was looking to get into a different field that was booming there, in England."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay. Now I'm with my partner of 2 years. He's a sweetheart and he is understanding, as well. Just don't give up and give your partner more credit. He loves you, I can tell and he'll stick through it with you until you can show each other what you mean to each other. And you can show that not only with sex."

"I know. Thanks, Chester. This helps a lot." I patted him on the back to show my appreciation."

"No problem. You win some you lose some. And it looks like you've won big time with Brian."

I smiled at him. "Yeah he is pretty great." I laughed and so did he. He put his arm around me and pulled me into a hug.

"Anytime you need a friend, I'm here for you."

"Thanks again. I better get home I'm sure Brian misses me." I got up to leave and I waved goodbye to him. My true home was with Brian at the loft and I would never forget it.


	18. A New Lease on Life Leads to the End of

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Ch 18: A New Lease on Life Leads to the End of the Lease

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters nor do i presume to do so. I decided to do a different layout for this chapter. I wanted to include Brian's and Justin's point of views for this particular part in the story. Enjoy.

**Brian's POV:**

I paced back and forth through the loft bracing myself for what I was about to tell Justin. He wasn't home from meeting with Chester yet but I needed to prepare myself for what I was going to say to him. I didn't expect that Kinnetik would open up an International Department. The company had been growing steadily for a while but I didn't know it was to the point where we could expand and invest in international affairs. Ted, on my behalf, sold a bunch of stocks to a Japanese company and in return they wanted me to come live in their country for 6 months. I knew that uprooting Justin at this time would be really hard for him especially since he needed to be around his family at that crucial stage in his recovery. How could I possibly tell him that I wanted to go? Would I turn it down if he wasn't ready?

**Justin's POV:**

Before heading up to the loft, I sat down at a bench outside. I knew that what Chester told me was right. I needed to give Brian a little more credit. He had been by my side this whole time without giving me any shit about it. I didn't know what he was actually thinking, however, but I was sure he felt the same way inside as he was portraying outside. We had been together for 4 years, well not officially together, but together, nonetheless. I knew it would be a long time before I'd be able to have sex with him again and I really took it to heart when he said that sex wasn't the only way to show how much we care about each other. I knew deep down that that was true, I just needed to believe it. I decided I had enough of quiet alone time and I went upstairs to greet the love of my life. I knew what I had to do even though it wouldn't be easy. I opened the door and was surprised to see Brian there waiting to greet me. Only, he didn't look that happy.

"Hey. Everything okay?" I turned around to hang up my coat on the hook by the door.

"Yeah, but we need to talk." Brian beckoned me over to the couch where he was sitting. I kissed him on the lips and sat down next to him. I told him there was something I wanted to talk about, as well.

When Brian told me about the job offer in Japan I didn't know how to react. He was right when he said it would be a big ordeal for me to pack up and move, but I didn't exactly want to stay around either while he was gone for 6 months. I told him I had to think about it.

"If you don't want me to go I can send someone else like Ted or Cynthia," Brian responded to my defeated glance. "The only thing is that the lease on the loft has ended and I already decided not to renew. If we decide to stay we can just find another place to live. It's no big deal."

"Okay."

"So, what is it _you_ wanted to talk about?" Brian asked, putting his arm around me.

"I wanted to ask you something," I declared as I got up from the couch and got down on one knee.

"What are you doing?" Brian gave me a confused look.

"What I should have done a long time ago. Will you marry me?"


	19. I Propose another Proposal

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Ch 19: I Propose Another Proposal

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters nor do I presume to do so. This is another point of view chapter. Hope you enjoy it.

**Brian's POV:**

Did I really just hear what I thought I heard? It had to be true since Justin, right in front of me, was on one knee. Marriage? I never even thought I'd end up having a steady boyfriend, let alone, a marriage partner. I wasn't the type to settle down. Everyone knew that. I knew Justin and I were committed. Things were going to be taken to a whole new level. I hated the institution of marriage. I thought it was meant for lesbians and heteros. I did love Justin, more than words could say, but was I really ready to take the plunge? Leave everything I had ever known, behind? The answer was, yes. Wait, did I just decide, yes? I guessed that love defied all reason. I wanted to make him happy. That was my purpose in life. I hadn't realized that before. God, I love him.

**Justin's POV:**

Uh-oh. That looked like trouble. He was taking so long to spit out an answer, I thought he forgot how to speak. Maybe this was a bad idea. I knew how Brian felt about marriage. Yet, I wanted to ask, anyways. I figured that I would be the only one he would change his mind for. Did I really want him to marry me just to suffice to make me happy? I wanted him to want it, too. I decided I would tell him that, if he had not taken so long to answer me.

"Yes, Justin. Of course. I'll marry you," Brian said. I gave a sigh of relief. I had gotten worried over nothing. He was probably just weighing the factors in his head.

**Brian's POV:**

I really did it this time. I knew I hadn't just said it in my thoughts. I had just said yes to the man I love that I'd spend the rest of my life with him, which I was planning on doing anyways. The look in his eyes of longing is what convinced me. I couldn't let him down. I also realized that once I said yes, I felt a wave of happiness rush over me. Maybe I did want this, after all.

"Did you hear me? I said yes, I'll marry you," I said and then laughed. He leaned in to kiss me and I put my hands on his shoulders then on the sides of his face.

"I heard you, I just had to make sure I wasn't dreaming," Justin smiled. To let him know he wasn't dreaming I pinched him on the arm. "Ow," he responded with a laugh. We kissed again and it felt so different. Good, but different.

"I have a proposal of my own to make." I let out a sigh as I was going to tell him again that we had to move, but this time I was sure it wouldn't be as much of a burden on him. "I bought a house in West Virginia. It's not that far from here. I decided not to take the job offer in Japan but Ted is going to go, instead. What do you think?"


	20. Better Be Honest Than Not Get Better

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Ch 20: Better Be Honest Than Not Get Better

I was engaged. I couldn't believe it. I actually got Brian Kinney to submit to the idea of marriage. Who was I kidding? Brian Kinney never submitted to anything. He was the dominant one in the relationship, which I would never actually admit to him. It would enlarge his ego, too much, bigger than it already was. He was smart, sexy, brilliant, funny and most of all, he knew me. He knew me better than I even knew myself. Which, right then, I had to admit, wasn't much. My identity felt like it was in jagged pieces after the attack. I had a general idea of who I was, but my soul seemed unbeknownst to me. I was glad that at least Brian still knew my soul. We were lying next to each other in bed. I thought that that is what marriage did to you. It made everything else fall into place and make sense. Everything, in the exception of a few things. I felt the subtlest change in movement from Brian and I realized that he was awake. He wasn't stirring yet, which was kind of strange. I hoped he wasn't having second thoughts about saying yes to my proposal. My thoughts were interrupted because he turned over and looked me straight in the eyes. I was right, he had been awake. His eyes were wide open, not sleepy like they usually were at this time of the morning.

"Hey, Bri. What's up?"

He purred. "Not much. Come here." He pulled me closer to him and pulled him into his embrace. It felt so good to be there in his arms like that. God, I loved him. I loved how Brian never had bad morning breath once he woke up. I didn't either, but I knew partners in the past had it and I loved the fact that I could kiss Brian once I woke up. We kissed and our hands got tangled in each other's hair. I had more of it than Brian did so I couldn't get that tangled up. Still, I loved his hair, the way it fell just above his eyes and it was perfectly short in the back. We pulled apart and looked at each other.

"Are you happy?" I asked him.

"Yes. Very. But there's something I want to talk to you about," Brian said and he looked like he was going to deliver unpleasant news. "I think we should hold off on the ceremony. Not go through with it, right away."

"Oh. How come?"

"I want to marry you when you are confident in who you are, again. I want it to be perfectly special and by the way, if you tell anyone that, I'll kill you." Brian laughed. I couldn't help but laugh, too. "I mean, I want you to be ready to marry me. To be recovered so you can enjoy it as much as I would be enjoying it."

"I'll never be fully healed, Brian. I'll be flawed for the rest of my life, most likely."

"That's not what I meant. To me, you aren't flawed and you never could be. But I want you to feel that way. I know you'll never fully get over what happened. But once you learn how to put it behind you, I'm sure you'll have a productive life, again. Wow, this just keeps coming out all wrong."

"No. You're fine. I completely understand and I think that would be best, as well."

"Oh. You do? I was worried you'd think I was being a complete ass and that I was avoiding."

"No. I know you love me. And I know, even though you'll never admit it, that you want this as much as I do. I understand. We'll wait until I feel I'm strong enough emotionally to fully enjoy it. As long as we can tell people that we are engaged to each other."

"Oh yeah, of course. I wouldn't have it any other way." We hugged each other and kissed once more before falling back to sleep. I was sure Brian would sleep, interrupted, for the rest of the morning.


	21. Facing Fears to Become Fearless

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Ch 21: Facing Fears to Become Fearless

It had been 4 months since the attack. I was getting used to the routines again and I painted on a regular basis. I felt that painting helped me sort through all of my emotions better than the journal had. It almost had a therapeutic effect on me, just like it did after I was bashed. I was glad I had painting. What did other victims have in their corners to comfort them? I also had Brian, a fact which still eluded me sometimes. I was having those feelings again about being ready to make love to Brian. I just didn't want to disappoint him again. I missed physical intimacy so much. We kissed and made out every once in a while, but that's not what I meant. I miss the feel of him inside me. I still wasn't ready for that, but maybe I could try to fuck him, again. He was at work but hopefully when he got home he'd be up for it. Wait, when wasn't Brian up to it? How quickly I could forget. I put some headphones in and put away the journal. It was time to focus on the task at hand. I still hadn't resumed working on Rage, yet. I wasn't ready to confront violence head on, especially when Rage and JT were based on Brian and I. Michael understood completely, even though this cut his income to next to nil. Thank goodness Ben was a professor, otherwise, I wouldn't know how they would survive. I didn't realize how much time had gone by and I had my music in pretty loud when I saw Brian's head peak into the studio. Turns out he had been calling my name since he entered the loft and he was worried something had happened to me. I took out the earphones so I could hear what he was saying.

"The loft just sold and the new owners want to move in sometime next week!"

"That's great! Is our house ready yet?"

"Almost," Brian told me and smiled. "There's just one more finishing touch that needs to be added." Brian walked up to me and pulled me into him and initiated a kiss. I returned the gesture and stood on my tiptoes. Brian loved when I did that. I wasn't that short for him, but I guessed that it was just an endearing quirk I had. I turned the both of us around and started backing out of the studio. I wanted to take him over to the bed. He had one of his hands in my hair and the other around my waist. We continued to kiss as I finally got him over to the bed. He pulled away from me. "What are we doing?"

"I want to try again if you're up for it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, just please be prepared for me to stop in the middle again."

"We can try. And don't worry. If you ever want to stop you can and don't feel bad about it. I won't mind, I promise," he replied as I pushed him lightly onto the bed.


	22. No Blame for the Blameless

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Ch 22: No Blame for the Blameless

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters nor do I presume to do so. This chapter has some sexual content in it so if you are sensitive to that sort of thing reader discretion is advised. This chapter is a bit longer than the rest so I hope you enjoy it. I felt it was needed to fully capture the scene I wanted to convey. Enjoy!

I couldn't believe I was trying this again, I thought, while on top of him, kissing him. Especially, this soon. I just couldn't get enough of him. We were looking into each other's eyes and he was running his hands through my hair. His lips were heavenly to me and it was as if I had touched him for the first time. I still remembered our first time like it was yesterday, rather than almost 5 years prior. I really wanted to make this moment special for Brian. I knew how much I longed to physically be with him again and it still amazed me at how patient he was being. He was still Brian after all, the fuck magnet. Of course, he and I meant much differently to each other than he would ever feel with anyone else. We were in love. Was I really the person he has chosen to settle down with? How lucky was I? I bet he thought he was the lucky one, but no, he had it all wrong.

Our lips parted and I looked from his lips back to his eyes. My hair fell in front of my eyes and he pushed it back and put it behind my ears. When I looked into his eyes it was almost as if I could see into his soul. I could see the love and the passion in his eyes for sure, it was so tangible I could just reach out and touch it. I wanted to. I wanted desperately to know what he was thinking. I knew he was in heaven just like I was at the moment. I insanely wanted not to disappoint him again. I knew how much he wanted this. I really wanted to believe that I could try and try again with Brian without his heart breaking but I came to the realization that that would be impossible, unless Brian and I made it through this time. We kissed again and I already had 2 fingers inside of him so I put a third in. I felt that he was ready after a few minutes and I went to put the lube and condom on my cock. I thought the outcome would be different this time because when I went to put them on, my hands weren't fumbling with them as they were before. I thought Brian sensed the change, too. I could have sworn I saw a smile out of the corner of my eye. I hoped so, I loved his smile. It was gorgeous. He could never do that enough for me. I successfully put on the lube and the condom and I gently pressed into his hole.

"Faster, Justin. Please. Fuck me harder."

I gradually pushed the whole head in but I could tell Brian wanted more, so, still as gently as possible, I pushed my way into his tight ass faster than the rate at which I had been going at. I thought that Brian could tell that things were different this time. I felt more confident and I sensed that he noticed as well, because I thought I saw him sigh and relax. We were having a great time. I wanted to please him so badly but I also knew I wanted to fully enjoy it, myself. I _was_ enjoying it and it seemed that all my worst fears were behind me. It was at that precise moment, I felt like I was ready to come. It had been so long since I had had sweet release and to have it by coming inside of _him_, was a rush. Just when I thought I put everything behind me, as I was about to come, I felt the fear rise up into me again. Crap, not again, I thought. I didn't want to disappoint him. I knew Brian would stick with me no matter how many times we had to 'try' before becoming successful, but I didn't want to keep 'trying'. I wanted to be with the man that I loved. Haven't those fuckers who did this to me taken enough of my life away from me? Time when my relationship with Brian should have been flourishing? I meant, we were already engaged, so I guess that was flourishing enough, but not as much as it should have been. I stopped having sex with him.

"Brian. I'm so sorry. I can't. It's happening again, I just can't. I'm so sorry," I said and put my head down.

"Shh. It's okay. Seriously, it's fine. Everything's going to be okay," Brian said while trying to calm me down. I pulled out of him and he nuzzled into my shoulder and I leaned my head against him. I hated letting him down. I was the luckiest man in the world to be with someone so understanding and loving. I'm sure he has thought the same thing, but I was fortunate to have someone who would put aside his fuck around lifestyle for me, of all people.

"I thought I could do it, this time. It always happens right before I want to come."

"It's okay. I love you and as long as we have that we can get through this, I promise."

I hoped he was right. I pulled him close to me as tears almost started running down my face. I wouldn't cry this time because I was blameless. I finally realized that. Nobody was to blame but those fuckers, and it was time I learned to not give them any more of my life than they already have taken away.


	23. Easy to Try to Forget, But Never Forgott

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Ch 23: Easy to Try to Forget, But Never Forgotten

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters nor do I presume to do so. This chapter contains sexual content, violence, and implied rape. Reader discretion is advised. This is also a point of view chapter. I thought it was important to get Brian's perspective on these recurring nightmares.

**Justin's POV:**

That night, I fell asleep in Brian's arms. Unlike we do every night, though, in that I had never held him so tight before. I didn't think even a sumo wrestler could break us apart from each other. I drifted off to sleep peacefully, if only it would have lasted that way. Images started playing in my head about the night of my attack. I remembered, like always, their rough, calloused hands running up and down my arms and under my shirt, down my stomach. One was forcing me to kiss him and he tried to stick his tongue in my mouth. Another was pinning my arms to the wall and kissing my chest once my shirt was removed. The third was pulling down my pants and my boxer briefs in one quick motion. That same guy started sucking my cock but then everything faded to black. I woke up in a sweat to find Brian holding me and rocking me.

"You were yelling and screaming in your sleep. Are the nightmares back again?"

All I could do was nod my head since I was crying heaping buckets.

"Aww, Justin. I'm so sorry. I wish I could take it all on for you," he told me and he frowned. For a second I thought he was almost crying, himself. He rested his chin against my head. I was a nervous wreck, but I was also glad that I hadn't remembered the actual penetration. Hopefully, I never would, but I knew that was just wishful thinking.

**Brian's POV:**

It was happening again. Everything I feared most for Justin. I didn't want him to remember what happened to him. I couldn't imagine how hard it must be for him to relive that night over and over again. I didn't think I could have lived through it once, myself, let alone a thousand times in my dreams. I just wished these demons would stop haunting him. I kept feeling helpless in these situations, not that it was about me. You see, my life was different ever since Justin had come along. I learned what love truly was and I never thought in my life that I would experience it. Justin opened my eyes to many good things that existed in this world, even though I tried to avoid being sentimental at all costs. Justin tamed the wild beast within me. I loved who I was because of him and I never wanted to go back to my old life, ever again. I wished there was something I could do to ease his pain. I felt that he had done way more for me than I ever have done for him. I hoped the move would change things. Maybe having new surroundings would create a fresh start for the both of us. I thought that was what we both needed. I wish we could both just forget the rape had ever happened. He knew as well as I did, however, that it would never truly go away and he would never truly forget.


	24. The Adventure Is Venturing Out On Your O

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Ch 24: The Adventure Is Venturing Out On Your Own

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters nor do I presume to do so. This is another point of view chapter.

Author's Note: I actually had the idea for this chapter in a dream, so here you have it. That is why this chapter is a bit longer. I decided to put the whole thing into one chapter without leaving anything out. Hope you enjoy it.

**Justin's POV:**

Brian had gone to work early the next morning and I was left to my own devices. I wanted to paint but I knew I need to go out and get some more art supplies. My paintbrushes were becoming weak and flimsy. I needed to get myself the really expensive ones one of these days so I wouldn't have to keep buying more. Brian told me there was this nice art supply store on Kensington Avenue. I hadn't gone shopping in West Virginia yet so it was going to be interesting seeing how close, if at all, it was to Pittsburg. I wondered what the clubs were like, as well. I had to see if Brian wanted to go clubbing one night. I missed the thumpa-thumpa of Babylon. Even though Brian owned Babylon, we didn't live that close to it anymore, so I wanted to go somewhere local. In the meantime, I grabbed some money that Brian set aside for me on the dresser. Gosh, being a starving artist didn't allow much spending room of my own money. I hated taking money from Brian, I had been doing it for years. He always paid for everything. One of these days, I needed to make it up to him. He always told me how much he loved that I was the wife. He thought he always wore the pants, but he knew just as well as I did that he liked being a bottom every once in a while. Of course, again, that's something Brian also would never admit. I closed the door behind me and locked it. I couldn't have a repeat of everything Brian owned getting stolen. Although, Brian following me to New York was one of the most exciting things we did together.

Kensington Avenue was easy enough to find. The art store was right where Brian told me it would be. It was tiny but quaint and I could smell fresh paint as I entered. I got a few new canvases and a few of the higher-end paint brushes. I should have drove, I thought. Those bags were heavier than I thought. I started walking down the street when I realized I totally forgot how to get back to the house. I wandered down a few side streets thinking that was the way back but after a few minutes I realized I had no idea where the fuck I was. I didn't notice it at the time, but I had wandered down a dark alley. I hated alleys and they scared the shit out of me considering what had happened last time I was in one. I decided to call Brian. Maybe he could find me and pick me up, I thought. Brian's cell rang a few times and went to voicemail. Crap. Hopefully he'll call back in a few minutes, I thought.

**Brian's POV:**

I saw that Justin had just called me, but I was in a meeting. I decided now was the time to create a diversion. I needed to distract them long enough so I could make my exit.

"Theodore, do you have the specs for the Jefferson artwork yet?" I asked him although I was remotely uninterested.

"I'll go and get those, they'll be out in a jiffy."

Why I hired friends, I never could figure out. "Cynthia I need those final prints for the Stanley Shoe's ad."

"I'm on it, Brian," Cynthia responded while exiting the room. I was all alone now which is what I had intended. I called Justin back and he sounded frantic on the phone but he also sounded like he was trying to keep his cool for my sake. I totally saw through it.

"What's going on? Everything okay?" I could hear noises indicating that Justin was outside.

"Yeah. I just went to that art store you talked about. But I forgot how to get back and now I don't know where I am. I'm in an alley and I'm scared. No one's around, but still," Justin answered shakily.

"Okay I think I know where you are. It's not far from the office. I'll be there as soon as I can. Try to make it out onto a main street or a side street. Just try to get away from that alley."

"Okay. I'll be here." He hung up and I grabbed my briefcase and my jacket and high-tailed it out of there.

**Justin's POV:**

I knew I should have gone out into another street but I was worried Brian wouldn't be able to find me, so I stayed put. All of a sudden a man came out of the shadows and approached me. I backed against the wall and realized that is where I was when all the trouble began last time so I stepped away from it.

"Hey, man. Can I borrow your cell phone?" He pointed a finger at my cell phone indicating he had seen that I had one. "It's just a quick call I have to make."

"Okay. Sure," I said as I handed over my phone. He was only on the phone for a few minutes but it felt like a lifetime. He seemed decent enough, but I didn't know why he was hanging around in an alley. Even though he didn't seem dangerous to me, my self-preservation instincts set in and I thought, fuck it, I'm getting out of here. I turned the corner and I could hear the man behind me.

"Hey, mister! You forgot your phone!" I didn't stick around long enough to hear what else the man said and I wasn't planning on it. I needed a new phone, anyways, that one got crappy reception. I saw Brian pull up to the curb and I was relieved that he could just drop everything to come get me. He really was my knight in shining armor. Brian rolled down the window and told me to get in. I did as if I was bat outta hell.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks. I did lose my cell phone, though." I told him what had transpired.

"I understand why you had to leave it there. It's all right. We'll get you a new one. Our contracts were just about up, anyways. Is it I okay if I drop you off at the house? I have to get some more work done at the office. I'm sure Cynthia and Theodore have left me a gazillion messages by now."

"Yeah, it's fine. I knew you were in a meeting. Sorry to bother you."

"Are you kidding? I wanted to get out of there so fucking bad. I was bored to tears. Almost." Brian laughed. He drove up to the house. "Do you want me to walk you in? Or can I just let you out here? I really do have to get back to the office, unfortunately."

"No, here is fine. I'll see you later. I'm really sorry, again, for bothering you."

"You could never bother me. I'll see you later tonight, okay?"

"Okay," I replied as I got out of the car. I grabbed my art supply bags and closed the car door.

"I love you," Brian said and he smiled up at me.

"I love you, too. Later."

"Later."

I walked back up to the house and went inside. I thanked God that Brian was able to come get me. I loved that he was the boss. He could basically do whatever the fuck he wanted.


	25. Being Tough Increases Toughness

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Ch 25: Being Tough Increases Toughness

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters nor do I presume to do so.

Author's Note: I really appreciate getting a few days hiatus from the story. Now for all of you waiting for the next chapter, I am refreshed and ready to go. I hope you all like it so far. Keep the reviews coming so I know how I'm doing with the material. I'm going to try to make the chapters resume their normal lengths unless I have another daydream to incorporate. Brian isn't actually speaking in this chapter but it is relevant to the story and Justin's recovery. Enjoy!

At group, not many people were there. Apparently, a lot of them were on vacation. They all had normal jobs unlike me. I didn't know where my next meal was coming from. That technically wasn't true. I knew I had Brian there to provide all of that stuff but I wanted more. I wanted to immerse myself back into the art world and resume making a name for myself. It was about time for me to make my own show and start running my life, again. I ran these thoughts and more with my peers in the session and they all agreed that it would be a great boost to my recovery if I could resume focusing on my passion. I couldn't help but agree. No one was more on my side on this issue than Chester. I didn't know what I would do without Chester at group. He was my rock and I always felt after talking with him that I was making some sort of progress. Brian and I were beginning to show affection out in public. In fact, we were actually _going _out in public more. I stopped by Michael's comic book store on my own and I didn't have any moments of self-doubt or paralyzing fear. That was none other than progress incarnate. I was in a better mood now than I had been since coming home from the hospital. My depression had faded and I actually felt like a fully-functioning member of society, again. After the session for a change, Chester was the one who needed to talk to me. Once everyone else had left, we sat back down except this time we were next to each other.

"What's going on?" I asked him concernedly.

"Matthew wants a break from the relationship. I don't know what to do," he replied and he held his face in his hands. I pat his back to try to comfort him.

"Aww, Chester, I'm sorry. What happened?"

"He feels like our lives are going in two separate directions. That's exactly what my last ex said to me before he moved to England. I love him so much. I can't bear to lose him."

"Did you ask him what made him feel that way?"

"The fact of the matter is, he was right. I had been feeling for some time that we were drifting apart. I don't want to let him go, I feel like I'll be all alone without him."

"That's not true. You'll never be alone. You have me and I'm not going anywhere. But honestly, if that's how you feel about him, you should tell him. I always tell Brian what is on my mind even if he is usually the avoider of all things serious, but at least he always hears me out and takes my feelings to heart. I'm sure he cares about you enough to try to put everything out on the table but whatever happens, you're a strong person and you can get through anything. Just being here every week is proof of that."

"Wow. Thanks, Justin. I'll talk to him. I want what you and Brian have for Matt and I. I really do. Maybe we have to face, though that it's just not meant to be."

I thought of Brian and his gorgeous face and delectable body. He never ceased to amaze me and I couldn't wait to get home to him to show him how much he meant to me. I also thought about losing him and I wondered if I could be able to take my own advice that I had just given Chester and apply it to myself. That was not an option for me, though. Brian would never leave and neither would I. I needed to remain strong and tough, just the way Brian loved me.


	26. Enjoy the Silence While It Remains Silen

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Ch 26: Enjoy the Silence While It Remains Silent

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters nor do I presume to do so.

Author's Note: Since I didn't have Brian physically in the last chapter, I decided to do the same with this one by leaving Justin out of it. I want you to get a feel for how each of them think and feel when not surrounded with each other. Enjoy.

**Brian's POV:**

Another boring, uneventful day at the office, I thought to myself as I was sitting in the meeting room. Kinnetik had just acquired a new client and we had been sitting there for hours arguing over what the client's first ad should represent in its tagline. For once in my career in advertising, I was stumped. We took on a pet flea killing company and we didn't know the first thing about marketing for owners with pets. We knew how to market for women and men in all age brackets because sex is something everyone could relate to, but pets? There was no sex involved with that. I personally thought that anything without sex involved wasn't worth my time. Their company, however, was paying me a very large sum to represent their product so, of course, I couldn't say no. I never could turn down an opportunity to make some hard-earned cash. Except once: a couple of years back I had turned against one of my own clients who just so happened was running for mayor. Turns out he was scum of the earth and he wanted to take away the baths which were places I, and many others, loved to fuck at. Regardless of the money I would score from that gig I turned on him to do what was right. That was back then when I actually started caring about what was right and what was wrong. That was also about the time I let Justin back into my life, but not just back into my life with the uniform title of 'boyfriend', but it was when I let him into my heart. It ended up being the best investment I have ever made, even though there had been no money involved. In fact, I was the one always dishing out the money, but I didn't care. I wanted to take care of Justin. Everyone kept telling me he was my responsibility and I guessed I eventually accepted it and moved on.

Things were finally looking up with us. We had been showing affection publicly, which is something we hadn't done since he had been back from the hospital. I never wanted to do anything to make him uncomfortable. I knew that I was all talk when it came to sex, even when I wasn't getting any. I didn't really care about 'getting any' which is the quirky thing about it. I thought about sex 24/7, dreamed about it, yet I wasn't having it and I was okay with that. I didn't know how any of that made sense, but somehow the pieces fit together like glue. Those pieces were Justin and I. My love for him overweighed my constant sex-orientated life. It was almost supernatural how Justin transformed my heart. I wanted to make love to him again, but I also wanted it to be the best fucking experience either of us has ever had. Considering how many experiences I have had it wouldn't be easy. I knew that once Justin and I made love again, it would be the best experience of my life regardless of how many I've had in my lifetime. I was brought back to the foreground when Ted asked me a question that I had no idea about. Oh, well, I enjoyed the silence while it lasted, now back to focusing on work. After a half an hour more, we gave up for the day and realized we wouldn't be able to figure out a tagline right then, so we might as well have just relaxed the rest of the day. I was glad to get the hell out of there so I could go home to be with Justin.


	27. Cloudy With a Chance of Eventual Extrem1

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Ch 27: Cloudy With a Chance of Eventual Extreme Cloudiness: Part 1

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters nor do I presume to do so.

Author's Note: I decided at the end of writing this chapter that I wanted to make it into a 2-part point of view chapter. This first part is Justin's point of view and the second part, posted tomorrow, will be part two. Will the 'clouds' dissipate in part two? You'll just have to wait to find out. I have never done this before so I hope it is successful but I'll let you be the judges of that. Enjoy!

**Justin's POV:**

When I had gotten home from meeting with Chester, I noticed that Brian's car wasn't in the driveway. I didn't remember him having any late meetings. Oh well, must have slipped my mind, I thought. I decided to go into my studio and paint for a few hours that way when I finished my latest masterpiece I have been working on for the past few weeks, Brian would be home. I just wanted to hold him after talking with Chester. I couldn't imagine being without Brian. I didn't think I could bear it if that was the case. I hoped to God he would never leave me. I learned the hard way, though, that hope was just for the purpose of distracting yourself from the likely reality of things. Hope was unpredictable that way. You could set your sights high, yet still be disappointed. I didn't want to think of that, though. It hurt too much just thinking that. I walked into my studio and closed the door. I felt that I worked better in enclosed spaces. My claustrophobia had somewhat faded and I was glad of that. I missed my old working conditions for my artwork and it looked like at least one of them, for the time being, I was going to be able to get back.

I must have been painting for hours because there was pure darkness flooding in through the single window within the studio when I looked up from what I was working on. I packed up my easel and my brushes and went outside onto the patio. Turns out, it wasn't the night sky that had come upon me, but a hazy set of dark clouds. They looked almost like rain clouds, but not quite. I didn't notice it upon going through the house, but once I went inside I felt that it was too quiet inside the house. Brian still wasn't home, yet? That was definitely not like him. He always called if he was going to be this late. What could have happened to him? I called Michael and when he told me he didn't know where Brian was I called Mel and Linds. They also told me the same thing. It was then I really started to worry. I hung up with the both of them asking them if they ended up seeing Brian, to have him call me as soon as possible. I waited an hour before calling every hospital that was close to the house. Each and every one of them told me that there had been nobody admitted bearing Brian's description. Where the fuck could he be?

The worst thoughts had begun to flash through my head as one hour passed, then two hours. It was already 3 in the morning. Something most definitely was wrong and I shuddered at some of the thoughts that were recurring in my head: thoughts that turned into memories of what happened to me. I would die if anything like that ever happened to Brian. Literally, I would die.


	28. Cloudy With a Chance of Eventual Extrem2

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Ch 28: Cloudy With a Chance of Eventual Extreme Cloudiness: Part 2

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters nor do I presume to do so.

Author's Note: This is the second part of my 2 part chapter and this time it is in Brian's point of view. Will the 'clouds' dissipate by the end? You'll just have to wait to find out. I have never done this before so I hope it is successful but I'll let you be the judges of that. Enjoy!

**Brian's POV:**

It was early, yet somehow I was stuck in traffic during pre-rush hour, apparently. It was bumper to bumper and I decided to blast some music in my little Corvette. Sometimes I missed my jeep. It was big enough to actually fuck in, unlike this car. It barely was able to hold 3 people within it. After 10 minutes of traffic not moving, I slammed my hands down on the steering wheel. "Damn it!" I was looking down and didn't notice at first when finally the cars in front of me and to the sides of me started to move. I heard honking from behind me when I finally looked up and started to drive along with the others. I was just about to reach the off-ramp to my house when some asshole swerved out of nowhere from some other lane and cut me off. He was trying to do it cleverly but instead he slammed into my car and sent me spinning out to the left into the other lanes I hit my head on the steering wheel. I felt the car flip over the center divider into oncoming traffic and then it all went black.

I was coming in and out of consciousness when I was wheeled into the hospital. I had no idea where I was or who these strange people were or why they were dressed up like doctors and nurses. I must have blacked out again because I woke up in a hospital bed with IV's stuck into me, needles poking out from me everywhere, every which way. I heard some people mumbling saying that I was awake and out of my still half-closed eyes I saw a doctor approach the bed and stick a light into my eyes. I opened my eyes real wide due to the light and I noticed that I couldn't feel anything in my arms or legs. The doctor mentioned something about me just getting out of surgery and he asked if I could feel my hands or feet and I shook my head 'no'. He told me the anesthesia hadn't worn off yet and it would be a few hours before I felt everything, again. "What happened?"

"You don't remember?" I shook my head.

"You were in a really bad car accident. You're lucky to be alive. Is there anyone I can call for you? A spouse, maybe? Or a family member?

These words sprung recognition in my eyes. Justin, I thought, he must be having a panic attack wondering where the fuck I was. "Justin. Justin Taylor. He's my partner."

The doctor didn't even seem to notice what I had said and he just smiled back at me and told me he would call Justin for me. I wasn't even that concerned about myself, I just wanted to make sure he was all right and that he wouldn't hit rock bottom, emotionally. I didn't know how much he was able to handle and I hoped he was still hanging in there.


	29. Cloudier Nights Lead to Cloudless Days

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Ch 29: Cloudier Nights Lead to Cloudless Days

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters nor do I presume to do so.

Author's Note: This is basically a part three if I had made chapter 27 a 3 part chapter, which I didn't. There is continuation here. Will they be strong enough to overcome another setback?

That was it, the phone call I was ultimately dreading, had finally come. It turns out that Brian was involved in a major car accident and he was at West Virginia General. I called the car service to come pick me up and take me to the hospital. When I finally got there, there was a big commotion. Apparently there had been a massive shooting a few hours prior and the hospital staff was running around as if they were stark-raving mad. At that moment, _I _was stark-raving mad and going out of my mind with worry wondering where Brian was and what kind of shape he was in. At that moment, I understood how he felt when I was brought in after the attack. I didn't like being on either side of the situation but I guess it was my turn to feel what it was like. I finally caught the attention of an orderly long enough to direct me to Brian's room. Before entering I peered in the window that way I could prepare myself for what I would see when I went in. He didn't look too bad except he had bandages around his head. Poor baby, I thought. I walked into the room, actually, it was more of a brisk run to his bedside.

"Brian. Oh my gosh, are you okay?" I sat at the edge of his bed, careful to not cause Brian any undue stress. He lifted his face to mine and he reached out and grabbed my hand which was near his leg.

"You came."

"Of course I came!" I kissed his cheek.

"Careful, careful," Brian flinched then let out a small laugh. At least I knew he wasn't in that bad of shape if he could still laugh.

"I'm sorry. What hurts?"

"Everything," Brian replied as he winced. "The doctor said I should be out of here in a jiffy."

"Oh no, you don't, mister. You'll leave whenever he _tells_ you you can leave and not a moment sooner."

"Okay. Whatever you say," he replied and smiled weakly at me. Just seeing him lying there like that almost brought tears to my eyes. I would never take for granted any time that we had together ever again. So much time was stolen from us, already, I resolved to not waste another second by being out of Brian's arms.


	30. Time Heals All Wounds That Need to Be He

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Ch 30: Time Heals All Wounds That Need to Be Healed

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters nor do I presume to do so.

Author's Note: Warning: This chapter contains some graphic sexual content. If you object to this kind of content please do not read this chapter. Enjoy!

It was a week ago that Brian was released from the hospital after his car accident. He was still fragile as his head wound hadn't fully healed yet. He also had bruised his ribs. He was lucky to be alive. I didn't know how much luck we had left until we would run out. I hoped we would never live to see the day. I knew how Brian must have felt to have to tend to me after my bashing and then my rape. I didn't believe him when he told me it wasn't a big deal and he didn't mind, but I finally understood what he was talking about. Sick or healthy, I wanted to take care of him. The nightmares have ceased. Hopefully things would remain as quiet. I was happy that I didn't have to wake up every morning and feel like I was still lost in that alley being violated.

I felt Brian stir next to me and I scooted over. I didn't want to hurt him in any way. I suggested to him that we sleep in separate rooms or on separate furniture but he wouldn't have any of it. He wanted to sleep next to me regardless on if he'd feel pain or not.

"Hey, Sunshine," he said while grinning up at me. I looked back down at him and I noticed the growing bulge under the covers. I lifted them up and Brian laughed. "Sorry. I can't tame the beast."

"Can I give it a try?" I moved closer to him and put my right hand on his thigh.

"Be my guest. You don't even have to ask me that." Brian laughed and so did I.

I started stroking him and I had the urge to put all of him into my mouth so that is exactly what I did. I hadn't blown him in so long. Luckily, it was something one could never forget to do, just like riding a bike. Well, maybe not exactly like that. I wanted to please him so I stared licking up the shaft. I put my tongue at the slit and I licked the drop of precum that had accumulated there due to my touching him. He flinched slightly at my gesture and he let out a moan. I could tell he wanted more. I was sure it felt especially good to him since it had been such a long time for the both of us. It kind of made me miss getting _my_ dick sucked. Brian was the pro. I went back to the task at hand and I put the head of his cock in my mouth and I began to take him in inch by inch until he was fully immersed in my mouth and throat. I held my hand at the base and stroked him in time to my sucking. I swallowed and he moaned and writhed against me. God, I loved that sound. It was such a turn on to know I could elicit such moans from Brian.

"That feels so good, Justin." Brian ran his hands through my hair and he tugged at the ends. I started sucking him off faster and matched my hand to the same rhythm. I knew he was getting close and I couldn't wait to taste him. It had been too long. I never wanted to go that long without tasting my lover ever again. I fondled his balls with my free hand and gently squeezed them. He was close, I knew it. I could feel the pressure building in his balls and suddenly I felt them constrict. He was cumming. Sweetness in my mouth. He tasted so fucking good. I cleaned him off with the covers and I lied down next to him and held his hand tracing circles into his palm.

"That felt so fucking good," Brian told me. He kissed my forehead.

"I loved it, too." We cuddled against each other and we both fell back to sleep.


	31. Finding What Will Be Found

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Ch 31: Finding What Will Be Found

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters nor do I presume to do so.

Author's Note: This chapter is only in Brian's point of view and it is a little shorter than most of the other chapters but there's a reason for that. Enjoy!

I loved watching Justin sleep. He always looked so peaceful when he slept even when he was going through a rough time. His lashes were so soft, I just wanted to caress them and kiss both of his eyelids. Every part of Justin was beautiful to me. I gained more appreciation for every part of him, each day. I gave him small nimble kisses on his back and Justin moved slightly. I didn't want to wake him up, but I guessed that all things happen when they are supposed to. I never believed in fate until I finally admitted to myself that Justin had opened me up to what love really was. I didn't think love really existed, not for me, anyways. I was glad to have been proven wrong, though. Justin turned over to face me, finally fully awake.

"Morning," Justin said to me and gave me one of his gorgeous smiles. All of his smiles were gorgeous, I thought to myself.

"Morning. Did I really blow you last night? Or was that just a dream?"

"That was no dream. If it was, it would have been the best one I've ever had. You were great."

"Good. I was worried I had lost my touch," Justin gave me a pout that I deemed irresistible years ago. Justin rubbed up against me and I saw the look on his face when the realization dawned on him that I had a massive hard-on. How could I not have one with that gorgeous face and body underneath me?

"Since last night made me feel really great about everything, I think I want us to try to make love, again. What do you think?"

"You sure?"

"Yeah, well, I don't know, but I hope so. I feel bad putting it out there, though, I don't want to disappoint you again."

"Shut up, you didn't disappoint me. You never have and you never could." I smiled at him and caressed his cheek.


	32. Finders Keepers and He's Definitely a Ke

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Ch 32: Finders Keepers and He's Definitely a Keeper

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters nor do I presume to do so.

Author's Note: Warning: This chapter contains graphic sexual content. If you object to this sort of material please do not read this chapter. This is basically a part two of chapter 31 but I didn't want to give you a teaser and not the whole thing so that's why I split it up. This part is longer to make up for the shortness of chapter 31. Enjoy!

Brian and I started kissing each other slowly until our kisses erupted with passion and we couldn't keep our hands off of each other, nor did we want to. We moaned desperately for each other as if it was our first time. Of course, we had many pleasurable moments in the past but something about this time felt different. Sparks were flying and it felt like there was a magnetic field was between us pulling us together like batteries with opposite charges. Opposites attract and that couldn't be truer in our case. I pulled apart from our make out session and looked into his eyes. I could see the love radiating from them.

"I want you inside me," I told him nervously.

"Are you sure?"

"Mmhmm." I leaned in to kiss him once more and he rolled over onto his back to pull out a condom and lube from his dresser drawer. I removed his shirt once he was back next to me and kissed him. I pulled down my boxer briefs and took them off while he did the same. I put the condom on him and put some lube onto his fingers and onto the condom. We looked into each other's eyes once again as he kissed me and gently put a finger to my opening. He slowly pressed in.

"Take it easy," I calmly pleaded with him.

"Like the first time."

"Just like that," I said while turning over to lie down on my stomach.

"No," Brian responded by putting his arm out to block my movements. "I want to face you while I'm inside you."

"Okay," I replied and turned back over as he requested. He resumed with the finger he used before and when I was stretched enough he put in another finger, making sure not to push too hard. After three fingers were in he could tell I was ready. He positioned his cock at my entrance and he slowly pushed the head in. It hurt more than I thought it would. It felt as if I was a virgin all over again. It was the damage those stupid fuckers did. I didn't want to think of them anymore. I was done with them. This was a private moment between me and Brian and no one would interrupt our private personal moments, ever again. I winced momentarily in pain but Brian whispered to me asking me if I was okay. I told him that I was and I didn't want him to stop. He made small thrusts into me and finally he was balls deep inside of me. I told him he could go faster and he did. Even though it hurt, I didn't care. We continued like that for about half an hour and I could tell Brian was about to cum. Remembering my past hesitations to this final part of lovemaking, I had to speak up to make sure that didn't happen again.

"Can you not cum inside me? I don't want to freeze up like before."

"Okay, sure," he replied, out of breath. I felt him hitting my prostate over and over again and he was stroking my cock in time to his thrusts. We were both moaning with pleasure when suddenly he pulled out of me and he came into the condom. He collapsed on top of my chest where my own cum had landed from my climax. He licked it up and then kissed my chest. He laid his head on my chest and I never wanted him to leave.


	33. Prelude to The Awakening

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Ch 33: Prelude to The Awakening

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters nor do I presume to do so.

Author's Note: The day is finally here where I can definitely say this is the second to last chapter of my story. It has been fun and I hope you all have been enjoying it!

It had been morning for a few hours, it seemed. I had been up for a little while but I felt so at ease when I noticed Brian was still asleep with his head on my chest and arms around me. We finally made love, again. I had to admit, it wasn't what I had expected our first time back to having sex would be like. I didn't know I wouldn't be able to let Brian cum inside of me. Still, the fact I got down to the root of my chickening out, made me feel as if a load had been taken off of my shoulders. I realized also, in that moment, that I didn't have a nightmare that night. It seemed as if finally Brian and I could get back to our lives. I knew he had been telling me over and over again not to let those assholes steal another minute of our lives, but I couldn't fully embrace it until last night. I guess making love to the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with does wonders for my physical and mental health. I owed it all to the man next to me. I would spend every day there on out making it up to him and showing him how much he meant to me. Lost in my thoughts, I barely felt Brian stir. He looked up at me to see if I was awake and when he saw that I was, a smile crept across his face. God, he was gorgeous, I thought.

"Mmm. Morning, Sunshine," Brian said as he stretched up against me. "Did we really…?"

"Yes, we did," I replied and winked back at him.

"God, I love you, Justin."

"I love you, too, Brian. Gosh I wish we could just stay like this, forever."

"Why can't we, Sunshine?"

"Because_ you_ have to go to work," I replied while poking at his chest with a finger. He shook his head.

"No, actually I don't. _I_ have the day off. Even the boss needs one of those." He nestled into me again and I kissed his forehead.

"You mean we can _actually_ just _lie_ here all day?" I flashed him a giddy grin.

"Nope. I was thinking more along the lines of, staying _in_ bed but not just _lying_ here all day. If you catch my drift," he said while pulling me down to a nice passionate kiss.

"Sounds great to me. Fuck, I'd be happy if we never had to get out of bed, again."

"I don't know about that, Sunshine, but I can for sure keep you _wishing_ we'll never get out of bed again."

"You're on," I told him. We stopped talking and made love again until we were weak in the knees.


	34. The Awakening

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Ch 34: The Awakening

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters nor do I presume to do so.

**LAST **Author's Note: Officially, the day is finally here where I can definitely say this is THE LAST chapter of my story. It has been fun and I hope you all have enjoyed reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it. This is a POV chapter and **Warning: This chapter contains material unsuitable for all viewers. Contains intense sequences of rape. **

**Justin's POV:**

I didn't know what had happened or what had changed, but I got more flashbacks to the night of the rape that night than any other night. I was glad when I first dozed off and woke up, that I didn't have any dreams whatsoever. I thought the pain was finally over and I was through with that dark moment of my life since Brian and I had finally reconnected. Apparently my mind had other plans for me. Everything rushed back to me that second time that I slept that night, like a ravenous river with its voracious and untamable current. I remembered the stuff I always remembered when I had nightmares but I also remembered something I hadn't counted on remembering. I remembered as every inch of my body was being devoured by one of the many guys clamoring all over me. One was forcing me to kiss him, the other was kissing a trail down my chest and sucking on my nipples trying to get them taut and hard. Another was sucking my dick and fingering me to prepare me for the next guy. It was like an assembly line to a factory that wouldn't close. I couldn't escape my nightmare no matter how hard I tried to wake myself up. The part I dreaded remembering the most finally settled upon me. I remember the last guy begin to fuck me raw without a condom, lube, spit or lubricant of any kind. I remembered the pain and whenever the guy on my mouth gave me a second to come up for air I pleaded with them to stop. I was crying at that point in time and I realized I had to just succumb to my fate. I really thought I was going to die and that that was my last moment on earth.

**Brian's POV:**

I was woken up suddenly out of a peaceful slumber, one of the most peaceful since I had found out about the rape, I might add, by Justin who was thrashing and moaning about in his sleep. He kept screaming for someone to get off of him and leave him alone. It dawned on me that he was visualizing the attack and reliving it as if it was happening again. I thought that since we made love, his demons would stop haunting him. I somehow knew deep down that they would be back and it was only a matter of time before Justin remembered. I shook him rapidly trying to wake him up.

"Wake up, Justin! Come on for fuck's sake. Wake up!" I eventually had to slap him on the face because he just wasn't waking up. Finally he emerged from his nightmarish sleep and I wiped the sweat from his brow. Justin flung himself into my arms and sobbed uncontrollably. I tried to soothe him but I had no fucking clue what to do. It was killing me that I couldn't help my partner through what he was experiencing. All I could do was let him know I was there for him and to hold him and tell him everything was going to be okay even thought it I knew deep down that it wasn't. He couldn't believe that anymore, not after tonight. I didn't want to see him in pain for the rest of his life. I just wanted my Sunshine back and that smile that earned him that name. I wasn't sure if I'd ever see pure unadulterated joy on my lover's face, again and it broke my heart and scared me at the same time.

"Brian, it was terrible! I remember _everything_! Please make it stop. Make them go away." He continued to sob into my shoulder and my chest was soaked with his salty tears. But I didn't care. That was the least of my concerns. After what seemed like a lifetime, Justin finally stopped sobbing but he didn't remove himself from my embrace. He didn't have to, either. He could stay there for the rest of his life if he wanted to and he wouldn't elicit any complaints from me. After a few more minutes he let go of me and sunk back down onto the bed. He used the sheets to dry his eyes.

**Justin's POV:**

I knew Brian was just trying to do the only thing he knew how, to reassure me that everything was going to be okay. But how could I believe him knowing there was so much evil and hate in the world? How did they live with themselves after what they did to me? How did Chris Hobbs live with bashing me in the skull? Didn't regret plague them everyday just like the memories of their assaults have plagued me? I just wanted to close out the rest of the world and I wanted to numb the pain. I considered for a moment taking my own life. I looked over at Brian, however, and what I saw completely dissuaded me. I couldn't do something like that to Brian. I could never hurt him that way, and besides I needed to show those who have gone through what I have gone through that those assholes can never win. If they do it gives them a rite of passage to do what they did to me to others. Almost as if they had a license to rape and maim.

All of a sudden, a burst of courage rushed into me. I didn't know where it had come from until I noticed that Brian grabbed a hold of my waist and pulled me into him once again. I realized at that very moment that I didn't have to go through my pain alone. I had someone who was always there by my side no matter what. Even though he couldn't understand what I went through, he just couldn't. He knew me inside and out and I knew at that second that that could heal me and that is what mattered. Those people didn't know me. They didn't care to. But Brian did and that was all that mattered. It was time to put on my brave face and put those assholes behind me once and for all. I had to remove myself from the situation after accepting that it happened to me. I would no longer be the gay guy that got raped, but I would be the gay guy lived a full life with the love his life and he told himself that the best way to characterize any person is by the fact that he has been loved by someone and loved someone with all of their heart, mind, body and soul which was the least I could ever say for them.

**P.S. I totally bs'ed you! After posting this I decided to make an epilogue to this story since there was one loose end I forgot to tie up. **


	35. Epilogue to The Awakening

The Awakening

A Brian and Justin Fan Fiction

Ch 35: Epilogue to The Awakening

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters nor do I presume to do so.

**REALLY THE LAST **Author's Note: Officially, the day is finally here where I can definitely say this is REALLY THE LAST chapter of my story. It has been fun and I hope you all have enjoyed reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it. For all of you who think my story could have ended last chapter just wait till you read this. =]

**6 Months Later…**

I couldn't believe the day was finally here. Brian and I had been through a lot the past 9 months. In fact, we have been through a lot the past 5 years. We have both loved and lost and went through more pain and sorrow than we ever thought we could live through. But today, everything was about to come around full circle and begin again. Only this time, I wouldn't be alone in my desire to engage with this man. This time, the feeling was mutual. The day I had been waiting on forever and didn't ever think I would get to see, had finally come. I still couldn't believe it but then again I had always hoped it would happen. It was early in the morning and the sun was shining through Brian's already brightly lit loft. My partner was so close I could just reach out and touch him. I did just that. He leaned into my touch and returned it with a touch of his own. We looked at each other, both of us knowing what would be in store for us later that day. I knew I could speak for Brian as well when I thought how fucking excited we were to be finally going through with it. Just to think that in a few hours all of our friends and family would be gathered around in celebration. Brian and I both loved a good party and this one would be all about us. Then again, when wasn't it all about us? I chuckled to myself out loud, unable to contain my excitement.

"What's so funny?" Brian looked up at me and lifted up one of his eyebrows in amusement. I loved when he did his famous brow lift, so sexy.

"Nothing, nothing. I just can't believe we're finally going through with this."

"Why not? You knew how much I loved you, even before _I_ did. I'm sure you knew this was going to happen all along."

"I sure hoped."

"Well it is happening." Brian leaned in to place a kiss on my lips. I had to remind myself what today was and I pulled away before things could get any more heated between us.

"Mm-mm, oh no, you don't. You don't get to do that. Not until _after_."

"Oh come on, you don't believe all of that superstitious bullshit do you? It's not like we're dykes or worse, heteros. I could never imagine liking pussy."

"Ew, Brian," I responded by lightly smacking him on the arm. "Anyways, we should get ready. We don't have much time since _someone_ slept in all fucking morning." We got out of bed reluctantly and went to shower. We had to shower separately because the temptation was too strong for the both of us. We got dressed and he stood behind me to look in the mirror at us. We looked fucking adorable. Brian smiled which meant that everything was satisfactory and he straightened out my shirt and we left.

When we arrived, it was already crowded. We slipped into the back rooms where we were separated and I was joined by Daphne. She had agreed to be there with me. She was my fag hag, after all. She had to be a part of it. After what seemed like hours but was literally only minutes, I stepped out and I was pleased to see all of my friends and family seated in the rows of chairs laid out for them. I noticed that Brian was already there and he looked happier than I had ever seen him. I was sure I looked the same. I had never been happier than in this moment and nothing could ever surpass how I felt at that moment. I walked over to face Brian and we put our hands in each other's. A man a few feet away began talking while Brian and I continued to look into each other's eyes. He was lovingly rubbing his thumbs across my hands.

"Do you Brian Kinney take Justin Taylor to be your husband? To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part? " Brian smiled at me and I could see tears in his eyes. This provoked tears in my _own_ eyes, mine actually running down my cheeks before I could stop them. I flushed in embarrassment. He took his hand off from mine to wipe my tears away. He always made everything better.

"I do," Brian responded after what seemed an eternity but what was really only a few seconds.

"And Justin Taylor, do you take Brian Kinney to be your husband? To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part?" I smiled the smile I was known for, that won me the nickname of Sunshine, and all was right with the world.

"I do."

"Then by the power vested in me in the presence of all of your friends and family, I now pronounce you, married. You may now kiss your husband." He didn't have to tell him twice. We both jumped at the excitement that we had finally done it and we embraced. We kissed like no one was watching, however, we had to eventually take it down a notch before someone saw something they didn't want to see.

I would never fully get over my rape, but I came to realize that I could handle anything with Brian, my loving husband, by my side.


End file.
